We've again called on the services of Ivana Takitall, whose latest book 'Football Fans & Female Fun' is now on general release, and Ivana has agreed to rate all 20 Premier League clubs in terms of how likely their fans are to provide single females with their 'perfect partner'.
First up, however, some general comment.

'In all my years analysing groups of people in terms of making perfect partners, football fans have been the most difficult group', Ivana says.

'My research has led me to believe that couples are better off not going to watch matches together', she continues, 'As particularly younger men much prefer to watch their teams with their 'proper' mates, having a few drinks before and after the game, and stuffing pie and chips like it's going out of fashion. Arguments can often ensue when a female partner wants to join in the fun. In many way, the perfect partner for the average football fan is one who actually dislikes football - that way, the guys will be free to support their team without any 'interference'.

Here's the comments on the individual team fans

Arsenal

Arsenal fans are generally gentlemen. They are discerning in their choice of partner, loyal and considerate. They also don't expect much in return. Five seasons without a trophy will do that to you.

Aston Villa

Really straight forward guys. What you see is what you get. You might not get wined and dined and bowled over by these guys, but they will never cheat on you, and you will soon learn that they truly love you the most - after their team, that is.

Birmingham City

These men are a little more basic than their Brummie rivals. All those years letching after Karren Brady have take their toll. And so have all the pies and pints. The biggest thing about the average Birmingham City fan is unfortunately usually his belly.

Blackburn Rovers

These fans are surprisingly sophisticated. Perhaps it's because they come from 'old money' - founding members of the Football League, and the only team outside 'the big three' to have won the Premier League. These fans will forgive you anything, and fondly remember you as you were when you first met, rather than criticizing you for how you currently look.

Blackpool

He will probably live in a partially built house, which he still shares with his parents (even though he's in his forties). If you are young, free and sexy, he won't believe his luck, but he won't spend much money on you either. He'll be good fun, but you'll soon dump him - and he'll simply shrug his shoulders, because he knew it was coming.

Bolton Wanderers

A lot of these guys have been around a long time, and are quite frankly passed it on the romantic front. And it's not as if they were that romantic in the first place. Boringly conventional, don't expect a live wire - just a man mainly content with his pipe and slippers.

Chelsea

In the same way that many Chelsea fans arrived from other clubs without warning, so Chelsea man will often return home after a visit to another man's wife. Don't trust him, or at least accept him for what he is - a selfish, flash-harry with a Narcissus complex.

Everton

What can you say about your toffeeman ? Careful with his money, so don't expect him to splash out. A good night's entertainment probably involves staying in and watching Brookside. And he'll be as passionate as a tin of Chang beer.

Fulham

A Fulham supporter is every girl's dream. Well off, daft as a brush, and able to go like a train for hours.

Liverpool

Chances are that he'll love Stevie Gerrard more than you, and will probably be going through a tough old time at the moment, given that his team is going nowhere and all the best players look like ending up somewhere else. Given the choice, you'd be better giving Liverpool fans a wide berth in the foreseeable future.

Manchester City

Cynics - every last one of 'em. Always waiting for the bubble to burst, and it usually does (fairly quickly). Manchester City fans are suspicious types, born of decades of thwarted hopes and fading dreams. Beware the green eyed monster.

Manchester United

A touch arrogant, with a big sense of entitlement. These guys are used to wearing the trousers at home. Happy to spend a fortune following their team, but they will begrudge shelling out for a new dress for you (or a holiday abroad unless Man U happen to have a European match nearby). These guys will have three priorities - Manchester United, Manchester United and Manchester United.

Newcastle United

Fanatical, addictive personality types. Expect a really intense relationship, followed by a quick break-up. These guys have low boredom thresholds where women are concerned. They can go from all to nothing in quick succession. On the otherhand, they usually have great sense of humours, and life will never be dull.

Stoke City

Generally overweight, and have an overblown sense of their own importance. Likely to suffer from temper tantrums, and will never be first up at the bar. Many of these guys have never grown up - and never will. If it's a mature relationship you want, steer well clear.

Sunderland

These guys appear to be as hard as nails, and if they half a brain they'd be dangerous. But beneath that tough exterior, there's a real pussycat who will treat you like a woman and behave like a real man in return. Loyal to a fault.

Tottenhan Hotspur

A real jack-the-lad. Game for a laugh, but a family man too. Likes nothing better then a family holiday in the sun during the close season. In high spirits at the moment, and looking forward to the new season. May soon need a lot of care and attention though, as they'll probably be back down to earth with a bump.

West Bromwich

Like his team, half the time he doesn't know whether he is coming or going. Gets easily confused, but does try to do the right thing. Not the brightest bulb in the box, but at least he'll make an effort.

West Ham

As crafty as a barrel full of monkeys. You'll quickly lose your heart to these cheeky chappies, but they are often not the marrying kind. You'll never forget them, though, and always wonder what might have been.

Wigan Athletic

Dull as dishwater, these guys are just happy to have you to show off to their mates (not that they have that many). But most are hardworking guys, and their efforts will enable you to keep a good home. Your mother would approve.

Wolverhampton Wanderers

Dedicated followers of fashion these guys are not, but they have no airs and graces. They also have plenty to say on a variety of subjects they know absolutely nothing about. Good entertainment value though, and they are generally reliable.

Look at the camels first and then read the message below.


This is a picture taken from directly above these camels in the desert at sunset. It is considered to be one of the best pictures of the year. When you look closely, you can see that the camels are the little white lines in the picture. The black images you see are just the shadows!

LOOK ONCE MORE. YOU CANNOT BELIEVE IT, RIGHT?

Tim was at school today and the teacher asked all the kids what their dads did for a job.

The kids yelled fireman, carpenter, plumber etc.... but Tim kept his mouth shut - so the teacher asked him 'Tim what does your father do for a job'

"My dad dances in a gay club and takes off his clothes for the men. If they pay enough, he will go out with a man, rent a hotel room and sleep with them."

The teacher sent the other kids out to lunch and took Tim aside to ask if that was really true.

'No' said Tim "He plays football for England, but I was too embarrassed to say".

Steven Gerrard has named Zinedine Zidane as his all-time favourite footballer - claiming he could learn much from the French 'genius'.

 

The Real Madrid and Juventus legend last year hailed our skipper as the world's best player, and in an interview with FIFA.com Gerrard revealed the feeling was mutual.

"My favourite player of all time is Zinedine Zidane," said the Scouser. "Just to see him play - the way he moves, the way he controls the ball, the way he passes - is an absolute privilege and there's so much you can learn from that guy, he's a genius with the ball. 

"From an England point of view, there is Gazza. I like watching gifted players who are skilful, and Gazza is probably one of the most skilful English players there's even been, so I would pick those two."

Meanwhile, Gerrard is ready to take a crucial penalty if required at this summer's World Cup despite missing in the shoot-out with Portugal in 2006.

He said: "I think, having missed the penalty, I'll probably be a bit more composed next time and take my time a bit more.

"I'll work that little bit harder in training to make sure I know what I'm going to be doing. It all happened really fast in 2006 and I felt after the penalties that I should have taken my time more. 

"It is massive pressure, but that's what we've got to do, we've got to try and handle that pressure. I didn't handle it in 2006, so if I'm put in that situation again I will try and deal with the pressure a lot better.

"But it's difficult, it's not like taking a normal penalty in practice - you've got so much responsibility. You know all the fans back home are watching and when you're tired, when you're under so much pressure, that's when mistakes happen and that's what happened to me in 2006."

Gerrard believes England will head to South Africa mentally prepared for victory thanks to Italian boss Fabio Capello.

"He'll bring many qualities to the team," said our No.8. "He's a winner; he's got an unbelievable amount of experience and has enjoyed a remarkable amount of success. He's transmitting a winning mentality to the team, so fingers crossed that will stand us in good stead for the tournament."

Despite the team's newfound resilience, Gerrard knows it will be difficult for England to live up to the often bloated expectations back home.

For the 29-year-old, blocking out the media hype will be crucial to his dream of lifting the World Cup.

He explained: "As players, we have to deal with the expectations and the pressure of playing for England. The supporters and media are very passionate about the country and a lot is expected of us. It's important that we, as players, cope with that in the best way we can."

REMOVING GALLSTONES NATURALLY by Dr Lai Chiu-Nan It has worked for many. If it works for you please pass on the good news. Chiu Nan is not charging for it, so we should make it free for everyone. Your reward is when someone, through your word of mouth, benefits from the regime. Gallstones may not be everyone's concern. But they should be because we all have them. Moreover, gallstones may lead to cancer. "Cancer is never the first illness," Chiu Nan points out. "Usually, there are a lot of other problems leading to cancer.

Regimen: 1. For the first five days, take four glasses of apple juice every day . Or eat four or five apples, whichever you prefer. Apple juice softens the gallstones. During the five days, eat normally. 2. On the sixth day, take no dinner. 3. At 6 PM, take a teaspoon of Epsom salt (magnesium sulphate) with a glass of warm water. 4 At 8 PM, repeat the same. Magnesium sulphate opens the gallbladder ducts. 5. At 10 PM, take half cup olive oil (or sesame oil) with half cup fresh lemon juice. Mix it well and drink it. The oil lubricates the stones to ease their passage. PS. 1cup=250ml, half cup lemon juice=3 lemons (aprox.)

AT 5 MINUTES AND 6 SECONDS AFTER 4 A.M., ON THE 7TH OF AUGUST, THIS YEAR, THE TIME AND DATE WILL BE: 04:05:06 07-08-09
THIS WILL NOT HAPPEN AGAIN UNTIL THE YEAR 3009!!!